Home » Twin bond? What twin bond? The dynamic between my three boys

Twin bond? What twin bond? The dynamic between my three boys

Just over a year ago I wrote a tongue-in-cheek blogpost about how three is a bad number to have.  But what I’d not quite registered at that point was how there’s a distinct lack of twin bond beween my twins!

That blogpost was just after the long six week school holiday where my three boys had spent the entire time fighting. 

So it’s not lost on me that I’m now sitting at my laptop having just spent the week of half term refereeing their bust-ups yet again. 

I still totally agree that having three kids (and maybe in particular three boys) is hard work. And I still also believe that there are some days in which having four children (or just one) would actually be easier. 

Three is a crowd

As I said last year – three is a crowd. 

And funnily enough, three is STILL a crowd in my house. I expect it always will be.

But it feels like things have gone up a gear in the last few months. To the point where we’re often doing something to address the imbalance. 

Three’s a crowd in our house has always meant that two of the boys gang up on the other. And the fact that we have twins and a ‘singleton’ (as they’re known in twin jargon!) you’d just assume it would be the twins doing the ganging up.  You know, twin bond and all that.

But it never is. It’s always the eldest (singleton) and Twin One. Leaving poor Twin Two out, constantly. 

A mum and six year old son on the beach
Poor Twin Two!

And it’s not even just leaving him out, they’re damn right mean to him too! He’s got the more timid character out of the three and he gets walked over easily. If the three of them are in the house at the same time, Twin Two is on his own pretty much all of the time. Whilst Twin One and the eight year old are together. 

Whether that’s playing something together, listening to music in the eight year old’s bedroom together, watching an iPad together or bouncing on the trampoline together. Even snuggling up on the settee to watch a movie together.

Where’s the twin bond?

All the things you’d expect the twins to be doing together – but they’re not.  Twin Two is on the outside 95% of the time. 

Even just this morning when they woke up, Twin One got into bed with the eight year old to play on their tablet. They wouldn’t let Twin Two in – starting a fight with him. When I walked in at one point Twin Two was lying on the floor watching his tablet completely separately as he was not allowed to join in, whilst the eight year old is telling him to get out – it’s genuinely quite sad to see! 

I mean whatever happened to the twin bond I was expecting them to have?! I thought that was a real thing, and something that happened automatically?! Not in our house! 

They may well have had that unbreakable, strong bond if they were the only children. If we’d had twins first and not had anymore (we definitely wouldn’t have had more!) I know of families where they only have twins and they are as thick as thieves. Totally inseparable. But not here! 

Honestly, some days it’s like Twin One and the eight year old have the bond the twins don’t. I mean, what’s all that about?! 

8 year old and 6 year old brother have a better twin bond than the actual twins
The eight year old and Twin One

Should I expect a twin bond?

And actually I wouldn’t mind that most days. I guess it’s no different to having three separate children and two of them getting on better than with the other one. That must happen all the time. Isn’t it strange though, how you throw twins into the mix and you automatically have this expectation that it will be the twins who are joined at the hip and another sibling would be on the sidelines?

But what I do mind is that this bond has a negative impact on the whole house. Because whatever the pair of them do, they do to wind Twin Two up, or upset him. The eight year old will cause a fight over anything, blaming Twin Two. And Twin One will readily throw his twin brother under a bus if it means getting approval from his older brother. The tales they tell on each other, the blame they put on one another and the utter rubbish they come up with all to cause trouble is insane! 

So we’ve started separating them when we can. If we’re in a position to take the eight year old out to let the twins do something else, we do. It doesn’t even matter if it’s anything exciting for any of them, it just helps when they’re not all together as a three. 

Separation is the key in our house

There’s much less fighting, less arguing, less incessant shouting at each other and crying when they’re separated. The twins get on really well when they’re left to their own devices, without big brother winding them up, setting them against each other. It’s positively peaceful in comparison – and you would NEVER describe my house of three boys as peaceful! 

We were in Dorset on holiday last week, and did it several times. Rather than let the three of them run riot, my husband would take the eight year old off for a walk to catch Pokemon (his favourite game!), and as a result the other two would play nicely, whether that be on the skateboard ramps or in the park, or building the Lego they’d just bought. 

It’s proof that three is a crowd, and we’ll continue to do what we can to keep the fighting at bay. I just never expected the bond to be between Twin One and the eight year old. And not between the twins. Twin bond, what twin bond?! 

How did I do?

Did you enjoy this post? If so, you should check out more of the the ‘usual’ type of stuff I write. Honest, relatable rants about parenting three young boys. With a touch of swearing and a lot of sarcasm. You’ll like it! Check out my Mum Life section or head to my Travel Section for some UK family holiday and days out inspiration.

If you like a bit of social media madness, pop over to my Facebook page where you’ll be able to have a laugh at what ridiculousness goes on in my house with three boys on a daily basis. Warning – there is often sarcasm, and usually swearing. There are also great travel reviews and the odd giveaway. Feel free to join my Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee – Shits and Giggles Parenting Group too, where everyone shares their hilarious stories.

If you like what you see, how about you check me out on Pinterest Instagram,  TwitterThreads and TikTok too.

And if you want to work with me, feel free to give me a shout at helen@twinstantrumsandcoldcoffee.com and I’ll get back to you.

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