Never before has ‘WTF’ been more appropriate than the moment you’re told at a scan, “It’s twins.”
You could have literally smacked me over the head with a brick and I wouldn’t have been more shocked and numb.
Twins? WTF was she on about?
I couldn’t have twins. Nor did I want twins. I DO NOT WANT TWINS!
It’s definitely twins
But apparently I WAS about to have twins. My life turned totally and utterly upside down with those two words from the sonographer. I was going to be a Mummy of three children under the age of 2.5. Shiiiiiiiiit!
Nearly a year on from that quite frankly hideous moment, I’ve decided to blog about how ridiculous my life can now be at times with effectively three babies.
I’m already wondering what the hell I’m going to write about – and more importantly, who the hell cares enough to read it.
But hey, I’ll do it anyway. Because you know what? I’m sitting in a quiet office, on my own, there’s nobody else here. Did I mention that I’m ALONE? That, my friends, doesn’t happen very often.
Life is noisy with twins and a toddler
You see, my life is rather, ‘noisy’ right now. I have a toddler who turned 2 in June 2017, and 5 month old twins. There’s never a dull moment, hey? Well whilst there are lovely moments, yes there are actually bloody LOADS of dull moments. And ludicrous moments, and annoying moments. And downright I want to scream, hide in the shed and drink a litre of gin moments.
It’s those times, amongst others, I’m going to share with you. Because anyone who is a parent (I’m guessing if you’re reading this you’re likely to be one) will tell you, it’s not all newborn baby smells, cuddles and cooing. Or happily playing cars and jigsaws and trips to the park with a well-natured toddler. If they tell you that – THEY ARE LYING!
I want to show you my life. ‘Warts and all” as they say. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all shit. Not by any means. But this will be an honest, realistic account of what it’s like being a stay-at-home mummy to three boys under the age of 2.5. And how coffee, chocolate, wine, gin and an unhealthy obsession with Facebook are my best friends.
How it all started
It all started in December 2016, the day before my 37th birthday at my local hospital’s antenatal clinic. I was pregnant with my second baby, and my husband (from now on to be known as The Other Half) and I were waiting for my 12 week scan. Everything was going swimmingly in the right direction, we had a beautiful 18 month old, Thomas (Toddler) who was (and still is – most days) the best thing ever. Exactly the planned two years later he would become a big brother. One more baby would complete our 2.4 children/ stereotypical/average/normal family. Box ticked, job done.
But there was a vague nagging feeling. I already looked about 5 months pregnant, my morning sickness had been insane, and all I wanted to eat was McDonald’s fries. Like, ALL the time.
I explained all of this away by telling myself my stomach muscles were already f**ked by having had a baby so recently, and convincing myself I was expecting a girl which was why this pregnancy had been so different to the first one.
I hadn’t dared let the idea of anything else enter my head – not even that very morning when one of my best mates said nervously “What if it’s twins?”
Twins? No thanks
There was no way I was going to let that idea creep in and ruin my excitement. I wanted twins like a hole in the head. One baby (ideally a girl, please) would do us just fine. Box ticked and all that, remember?
We were so blase about the prospect that we even joked with the sonographer at the scan. When she asked if we had any questions before she started, we quipped “No, just tell us it’s not twins”.
Oh how we all giggled. She teased us saying she’d not scanned twins for ages. She laughed, we laughed, everyone laughed – increasingly nervously on my part. The Other Half said “If it’s twins, just say ‘Oh dear’”, and we all giggled some more. Weren’t we all amusing.
30 seconds later, with the doppler on my tummy, she said:
In fact she said it three times before we realised she actually wasn’t joking. There were twins in there. F*************K.
A wave of panic washed over me, tears filled my eyes, swear words came out of my mouth, and I wanted to escape to the loo where I promptly sobbed uncontrollably before realising I’d better get a grip.
The Other Half’s first words?
“We’re going to need a bigger car.”
And that, is how all this began….
Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee
How did I do?
Did you enjoy this post? You might like some of my others, so how about you read all about how when it comes to giving birth to twins Epidurals are the best thing ever, or my panic over how I’d ever leave the house in Will I Ever Nip Anywhere Again? Or how about you look at my travel reviews and days out section here.
If you like a bit of social media madness, pop over to my Facebook page where you’ll be able to have a laugh at what ridiculousness goes on in my house with three very small boys on a daily basis. Warning – there is often sarcasm, and usually swearing. There are also great travel reviews and some AWESOME giveaways. Feel free to join my Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee – Shits and Giggles Parenting Group too, where everyone shares their hilarious stories.
And if you want to work with me, feel free to give me a shout here or at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll get back to you.
I had twins and then became pregnant again when they were only 14 months old. 🙈 Now they are 9 and 7 and I wouldn’t change a thing. We are one crazy, mad house.
Oh wow Naomi, that sounds manic! You’re proof I might actually survive, then!
That’s brilliant 😀 gives me a little understanding of what my mum went through (5 under 5 with 1 set of twins!!!) 😂
5 under 5!!! That actually makes me want to swear quite badly 🙂
Brilliant stuff Helen! I am sure this will resonate with mums around the world. Keep up the amazing work – you are like a swan gliding effortlessly through this challenge while paddling frantically below the surface. Bloody awesome xxx
Thank you! xxx
Resonates with me because I am a twin. Another blog in the making!
Hope so Maggie! I bet you have some lovely twin experiences x
I am so pleased to read this, I have just found out I am having twins and I have a little girl who is 11months old! It’s nice to know I’m not along with the wtf thought! X
It’s the only way I could describe it, and it sums it up quite nicely 🙂 Good luck with your pregnancy, hope my blog doesn’t scare you too much! x
Helen I enjoyed reading about this so much! Especially as when I bumped into you not so long ago you looked like a natural and life was a breeze with your 3 babies!!
Keep it coming….. it’s nice to know other Mummies resort to alcohol and sweat words when necessary!! X
Swear words are a given, surely? That made me a laugh about when we bumped into each other. I’m glad that’s the impression I made. Woohoo! 🙂 x
I never had twins but three babies in three years. The coffee is still cold and the gin bottle always half empty 16 years later… remember to give yourself a medal everyday ☺
Glad to hear plenty of gin is being consumed, Jacqui? Not sure how tee-totalers do it…
You are doing amazingly Helen, our team are very proud. Nick made me laugh about ‘The New Car’ saying it does what is says on the tin! Cold coffee is a given, and my microwave fear has deemed cold coffee perfectly acceptable. Loving your approach and humour, well well done! 😊
Don’t mention the car. It’s still a sore subject…
Omg! I have just written a retrospective blog about my scan and finding out it was twins!! Same as you i was joking about it and boom got double whammy! 👶🏻👶🏻Xxx
Maybe that’s where we went wrong – too much joking! I’ll have a read. Happy new year x
The sonographer actually said to me “well you should be careful what you wish for“!!! 🤣🤣 Happy New Year to you too 🎊🥂🍾 xxx
This is so funny! Gosh don’t know how you cope with 3 boys?!!! When do you ever have a calm moment?! I’ll never complain about having 2 children again! Xx
My only guaranteed calm moment is for about an hour on a Wednesday afternoon when the babies sleep and the toddler is at granny’s!
You’re doing brilliantly! Twins and a toddler must be hard but rewarding.
Thank you. I’m sure it’ll feel rewarding one day!
This is so hilariously written Helen, although it is easy to laugh when you’re not dealing with it firsthand! I have no doubt I would react the same way if I was ever told I was having twins. Complete terror! Two girls for now is more than enough to keep me busy. I just love your honesty, it is refreshing.
Ah thanks Tracey. Some people were offended when I first posted this, but I’m like “this is me, my life, and not what I wanted!”