Nobody becomes a parent thinking they’re going to be purposely untruthful to their children, but when reality hits there are hundreds of different barefaced lies we tell our kids – and they’re usually hilarious.
Whether it’s to get them out of the park without a massive meltdown, 101 reasons why they can’t have that toy in Sainsbury’s, or a few white lies to get them to eat vegetables, we’ve all been there and done that.
Just this week I’ve probably lied directly into the faces of my children at least 30 times (and the rest).
So here are 21 of the funniest lies we tell our kids, by some awesome fellow parent bloggers.
The lies we tell our kids
- “When we walk into a shop, nothing is ever for sale! They might find the most wonderful toy in the world and they look at me and say ‘not for sale mummy’… ‘no darling, not today.’ I wonder how long I will get away with that.” Anna from www.popitha.com
- “When the ice cream man puts his music on he has ran out!” Faye from www.glossytots.co.uk
- “I tell my son that the magazines with the plastic crap in supermarkets are just for show – because no-one is standing around to sell them! Nicole from www.talesfrommamaville.com
- “Anything that is above £5 is so bloody expensive and we earn just £1 a day. Sorry!” Anuma from www.happylifewithanuma.com
- “Mommy’s cheese on toast has chillies on it – it’s VERY spicy! No I don’t like to share my food with my kids.” Carly from www.momoftwolittlegirls.com
- “My mum always used to tell me the ice cream man was the fish man after 5pm. Also the clock is slow because the batteries need to be changed and it’s 6pm now, not 3pm. www.thebusypapa.com
- “It was a gloriously sunny day back in February, unseasonably warm. My three year old was adamant he wanted to go to soft play. SOFT PLAY! Hell on earth at the best of times, but there was no way I was putting myself through that when the sun was bright in the sky, so I pretended to phone them, with him in earshot, and proceeded to have a full blown, pretend conversation about how they weren’t open because it was sunny and warm, and that we should go to a local National Trust instead. He, of course being that he is three, fell for it, and now whenever his brother asks to go to soft play, George advises that it’s only open when it’s raining! Lara from www.adventuresofamum.com
- “Thanks to my partner letting our son press the car horn the other day, he now requests ‘honks’ every five minutes when we are driving. He thankfully now believes that it only works when the car isn’t moving. I may have also told him he can only press it once or the police will come. Apparently that works on three year olds.” Fern from www.mumconventional.co.uk
- “The ice cream van music being played means they have ran out of ice cream as it can come round two or three times a day!” Lianne from www.anklebitersadventures.co.uk
- “I used to have to tell my twins when they were younger that the ride on cars outside the supermarket we walked past every day weren’t plugged in. They used to want to go on them EVERY DAY and they soon became the bane of my life so that was my white lie to save my sanity and bank balance! Beth from www.twinderelmo.co.uk
- “My son is now 13 so nothing gets past him. I have previously told him Easter eggs are only on display before Easter. The toys are all broken examples. The park closes in the rain. The staff are not allowed to sell chocolate before lunchtime. The tooth fairy only comes if your bedroom is tidy. An alarm goes off on my phone if you buy anything online (he still believes this one!). Wine is adult Calpol. Ice cream is for display as it would melt on the way home. Oh the list goes one!” Jen at www.justaveragejen.com
- “How about a lie passed on through generations? Recently my five year old has become aware of vending machines. Whenever she sees one she just *NEEDS* a drink/snack. When my husband was a little kid, his father told him that food/drinks in vending machines aren’t real, and that it lives there for years and years. So now that’s what my daughter believes too!” Chantelle from www.allthingschristmas.com
- “I phone Father Christmas every night at 9pm and if the kids aren’t asleep, they don’t get a tick on the ‘nice’ list. Yep… even in May!” Tina from www.girlsgospel.com
- “Me to my three year old who doesn’t like taking vitamins: if you take it every day you will become Iron Man after three years! Ha ha ha.” Veronica from www.myparentingjourney.com
- “When my daughter was little enough not to have a mobile phone, I once put back the clocks in the house when she had a sleepover as they were determined to stay up until midnight to have a midnight feast. They had it about 10.30pm which was late enough for me but they thought it was midnight.” Cass from www.frugalfamily.co.uk
- “That we don’t have any new batteries. I don’t know the number of times I’ve ‘put them on the shopping list’ and accidentally forgotten them. Every time my Dad visits he goes out and buys new batteries for all their noisy toys and I cry inside.” Hayley from www.missmanypennies.com
- “I told my daughter that I don’t run because I’m actually the fastest runner in the world and I don’t want to embarrass all the other people who aren’t as fast.” Anna from www.meanniebee.com
- “Tooth fairy went on strike because she has to be out every night and the big FC only has to do once a year and it just happens to be when I forgot the tooth. Then there was the years I told my kids I was 26… I was 36. One of my friends told my son my real age, he was so aghast he told it in new in school!” Sarah from www.justbeinghuman.uk
- “I had problems getting my two year old to leave our hotel room when we went to Jersey. I told him we had to go as the lady would be in to clean our room. He’d seen the lovely ladies who had been cleaning our room and remembered how nice they had been when they turned down the sofa bed on our first night and left us chocolate, so as the ‘lady’ threat wasn’t working, here came the white lie. “It’s not a nice lady, it’s a scary lady.” I know this is parenting at its worst but I was desperate. My son was having a massive tantrum, outright refusing to leave, he wanted to stay there forever, and we might miss our flights. Reluctantly at the thought of a scary lady arriving shortly, we managed to leave the room. All was well, or so I thought, until we were queuing to check out and my son pointed at the lady in front of us and at the top of his voice, said “Mummy, is that the scary lady?” Please ground, swallow me up right now!” Rowena at www.mybalancingact.co.uk
- “That furry roadkill we passed at high speed on the M5 was just having a little nap.” Lucy at www.theparentgameblog.co.uk
- “Sorry sweetheart, this Curly Wurly has got beer in it, and you’re not allowed to have beer are you?” Sophie from www.lifeasmrsd.co.uk
So there are some of the funniest lies we tell our kids I’ve ever heard. What’s the worst/best/funniest lie you’ve ever told your children?
How did I do?
Did you enjoy this post? You might like some of my others, so how about you have a read of 10 things I never thought I’d let my children do – until I had them or The best (and worst) things about having twins
If you like a bit of social media madness, pop over to my Facebook page where you’ll be able to have a laugh at what ridiculousness goes on in my house with three very small boys on a daily basis. Warning – there is often sarcasm, and usually swearing. There are also great travel reviews and some AWESOME giveaways. Feel free to join my Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee – Shits and Giggles Parenting Group too, where everyone shares their hilarious stories.
And if you want to work with me, feel free to give me a shout here or at email@example.com and I’ll get back to you.