Divorce is never a pleasant time for families, but the impact of divorce can vary tremendously depending on the kids’ age. Studies indicate that certain development stages make divorce particularly difficult for children, and can have negative emotional and psychological consequences. It is important to be aware of these obstacles and how to assist children during this time in order to reduce its long-term impact.
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The Deadliest Age for Divorce: 6–12
Experts often highlight 6-12 as one of the most vulnerable times for children when their parents are divorcing. Children at this point have an increasing grasp of relationships and family, but they’re not emotionally developed enough to navigate difficult experiences such as divorce. This age group can be especially difficult to manage: Here’s why.
- Remorse: Children in this age range can project the divorce on themselves and accuse themselves of being responsible for the separation of their parents. Perhaps they feel that their actions caused the marriage to fall apart.
- Phases of Development: This is the phase where kids are becoming their own selves and engaging in social interaction. When a spouse is divorced, they find it difficult to keep up with school, friends, and activities.
- Fear of Abandonment: Children of this age can fear losing a parent or “getting left behind,” which creates feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
- Coping Is Imperfect: Children in this age range have not yet learned to deal with stress and transition, which can contribute to their distress.
How Divorce Affects Children at Different Ages.
Between the ages of 6 and 12, divorce is especially hard for children, but you also need to consider how divorce affects children at various stages of life:
Children (0-3 years)
Even if they don’t have an inkling of what divorce is, they feel tension and turmoil. They might become attached or they may shift their eating and sleeping habits.
Preschoolers (3-5 years)
Children can experience apprehension and fear in this stage. They could develop nightmares of their parents being reunited, or fall back on old habits such as bedwetting.
Teens (13-18)
Teenagers might become angry, deceived, or embarrassed about the divorce. But they’re more rational, and thus more capable of grasping what’s going on. They might still behave inappropriately or have trouble trusting people.
How to Help Children Cope with Divorce
Caregiving during and after a divorce is critical to a child’s emotional health. The following are some steps you can take:
- Open Communication: Let your children express themselves and assure them that they are being heard. Speak openly about the situation, but be child-safe in your explanations.
- Comfort Stability: Always remind your children that their parents will still love and nurture them. Routines, including meals, school drop-offs, and bedtimes, can keep everything feeling normal.
- Never Accuse: Never apologise to the other parent in front of your kids. This can be confusing and create loyalty issues.
- Give You Feelings: Talk to a child therapist or counsellor. With professional support, children can manage their emotions and build healthy coping skills.
- Encourage Teachers and Caregivers: Keep teachers, coaches, and carers aware of the family transition. They can provide further intervention and keep an eye out for any changes in behaviour at school or in the community.
- Adopt Healthy Habits: Kids rely on their parents for help when things get hard. Learning resilience and how to communicate effectively can provide them with useful life skills.
- Encourage Connections: Develop a strong connection to both parents. Make sure to spend quality time with each parent and to build their feelings of security.
Long-Term Perspectives
Divorce can set the stage for a child, but it doesn’t have to set their course. If properly supported and treated, children can grow up to be able to handle their problems successfully. Parents should look out for their children’s emotional wellbeing and cooperate, even when divorced, in providing a supportive space.
If parents know how children struggle in different stages, they can approach divorce with empathy and preparedness. If parents do what they can to support their children, it will lessen the damage and give them a healthier future.
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