Weaning. How is it possible for one word to fill a person with such dread?

Put it in front of the word ‘twins’, and let’s face it, you might as well crack open the gin at every mealtime, including breakfast. In fact, f*ck it, just pour it over your fruit ‘n’ fibre and have done with it.

Weaning twins. What an Absolute. Pain. In. The. Arse.

My brain is clearly buggered by sleep deprivation because I actually thought it was a good idea to do Baby Led Weaning to make matters worse. WTF was I thinking??

I told myself I didn’t have time to lovingly make purees and freeze them into little ice cube trays like I did with Toddler. (I was such a cliched first time mum). Nope, that wasn’t going to happen.

I was going to go full-on BLW from the word go, and by doing so I would save myself having to do double the spoon feeding at the same time as coaxing a fussy toddler to eat anything that isn’t beige. Some mealtimes I literally want to gouge my own eyeballs out with a plastic Ikea fork, he can be so annoying.

So Baby Led Weaning would mean my babies would eat ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING and I would give myself a big pat on the back.

Well actually, I am kind of pleased with my decision to basically let my twins obliterate my kitchen. They do pretty much eat anything, although I’m fully aware this will annoyingly change, and it means I can often give them what the Other Half has cooked for us the night before – letting me ‘concentrate’ on Toddler’s beige offering. The range of beige food in my freezer really is quite something, I can tell you.

What I hadn’t quite thought through properly was THE MESS! Seriously, why would you give a seven month old baby a spoonful of yoghurt/fruit pot/porridge/Weetabix (Weetabix should be renamed concrete, FFS!) in a bid to teach them how to do it themselves, without fully appreciating your shiny, cream (of course) ceramic-tiled floor in your lovely new dream house is about to be annihilated!

Mealtimes are literally the worst times of the day. Mainly because of the clean up afterwards.

I give the Twins loads of food. I didn’t actually think much of this until a friend commented on an Instagram picture about whether they would eat all of it. More recently the answer is yes they do. But I give them a big old plateful because I know more or less half of it ends up on the floor.

On occasion I’ve found myself subconsciously veering away from runny foods in favour of dry chunks, simply so I know it’s easier to clean up. How bad is that?

It’s when they decide to steal food off each other’s trays or the dining table that things get really messy. And don’t even get me started on the times I’ve lost all sense and decided to feed them on a picnic mat whilst we’re out, or on a poor friend’s lounge carpet. I might as well just throw away their clothes, despite me putting them in coverall and catch-all bibs. It’s like they see it as a challenge

As time’s gone on I find myself trying to spoon feed them myself to save the mess but they’re not having any of it. They want the spoon, and they want to smear it everywhere. It’s like a game – can I jab it in and out of their mouths quick enough for them to get the damn porridge without actually hurting them or them grabbing the spoon.

And where do you even start with the clean-up operation? I mean, do you wipe the tray, their hands or their faces first? If you wipe their hands, they just put them right back in the mess. If you wipe the tray or face, they just put their dirty hands all over them again. Give me a break, will you?!!

I tell myself this is all a phase, like everything else. One big messy phase. I mean, let’s face it. Give it time and they’ll be on the beige diet along with Toddler, and fish fingers aren’t half as bad to clear up.

*Want to protect your home from weaning mess, but make sure it still looks stylish? Check out my review of Messy Me products here:

How ‘Messy Me’ makes feeding twins more bearable

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